A popular print advertisement in Cosmo depicts a couple in bed, the caption says that woman think with their heads, while men think… and the arrow is pointed downwards. The advertisement may be too suggestive but it plays with the basic gender differences of how women and men perceive and sex drive, passion and love. From the biological perspective sexual arousal and passion is brought about by the erotic feeling that is experienced through the different physiological processes that occur in the body triggered by the physical stimulus presented to the individual (Bancroft, 2002). However, when it comes to sex drive, men are said to be more aggressive than women. Biologically, men are visual and tactile beings, they respond more to what they see and touch, their sex drive may be brought about by how easily they can be aroused just by looking at pictures of naked women. On the other hand, the women are more auditory, they are turned on by endearing words, by sex y talk and subtle hints of sexual desire. Thus, they need to be presented with an actual person before they can express their sexual interest, whereas the men just have to look at something. The biological explanation for love also follows the same difference, different feelings and emotions are triggered by the presence of the love one.
In evolutionary biology, it is believed that in the ancient times, a man’s power and wealth can be measured by how many wives he can have and how many children he produces thus, it is always the male who is more sexually aggressive, the females however just wait for someone to take her, thus her sexual drive is subdued (Buss, 1998). Love was not even considered then, sexual relations were designed to produce an offspring and love was not defined as such but there was some amount of liking at least. Fast forward to the sociocultural perspective, and we find that not much have changed between the differences in how men and women think and behave in terms of sex and love. Society has a set of rules and laws that regulate sex and a sexual double standard is apparent, when we frown upon women who are overly expressive about their sexuality and turn a blind eye to males who have extramarital affairs because boys will always be boys. At present, the concept that has changed is love, nowadays people don’t get married if they do not love each other, and society expects that a couple in love should get married. It is ironic how males who remain bachelors are popular and considered a good catch, while women who remain single are pressured to get married and have children. The gender roles that each man or woman assumes are the product of how boys and girls are socialized differently (Bussey & Bandura, 1999). It is not a problem if a boy is aggressive, active and competitive, but it is a problem if a girl is strong-willed, competitive and aggressive. Thus, in terms of sex drive and passion, women have been trained to be patient and have self-control while men are taught to get what they want.
A famous quote in a popular bar says that sex is 90 percent imagination and 10 percent physical exertion. The cognitive perspective says that feelings of passion and love and the sex drive is all in the head. And since, men and women think differently, and then we could say that they also think about sex and love differently. The cognitive perspective argues that men can engage in sex without love while women need to at least have a certain amount of attraction for the other person to engage in sex with that person (Paul, McManus & Hayes, 2000). Therefore, men separates sex and love into opposing poles, sex is physiological while love is more special and closer to the emotional aspect of the man. Women, has difficulty in separating sex and love, to them love or some form of liking must be felt and believed at before sexual relations could occur, however there are also those women who can have sex with a stranger but the stranger has to be at least good looking, attractive and kind (Paul, McManus & Hayes, 2000). The cognitive perspective also believes that love is a decision that the individual makes, it is not based solely on emotions and feelings of euphoria or elation but it is a conscious and willful choice that a person makes within him/her self to love another person.
I believe that there will never be a time when equality between the sexes will be achieved. If by equality, we mean that men and women will be equal in all aspects of life, and then they would not, however during the sexual act, they can be equals. They are equals because biologically, man and woman have been designed to complement each other, in the cognitive perspective, man and woman both make the conscious decision to engage in the behavior and socially, heterosexual sex is the norm.